


The Raccoon Had Been Scary

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [13]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Sibling Diego Hargreeves, Griddy’s Doughnuts (Umbrella Academy), Humor, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Pre-Canon, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding, Soft Diego Hargreeves, allison’s wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 13:01:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25849987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: He took his first step to drug filled paradise, and was promptly bustled from the side and placed in a headlock. “What the fuck, Diego?!” He snapped, trying to wriggle his way to freedom. Diego rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on his idiot brother’s neck, walking them to his car. “You can go shoot up later, we have to go shopping.” Diego uttered with thinly veiled fondness. “I don’t use needles anymore!” Klaus proudly protested “harm reduction and everything! Wait-“ he attempted to look up to Diego but was quickly reminded of the whole headlock thing “did you say shopping?!”
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709
Comments: 9
Kudos: 155





	The Raccoon Had Been Scary

**Author's Note:**

> Rated T for drug references & swearing.

“See you later, Klaus.” Klaus’ long suffering social worker deadpanned. Ben scoffed, causing Klaus to cut the blowing of his kiss to John with a harsh _“Shut the fuck up.”_ to his side. John simply raised an eyebrow. “I don’t get you, kid.” he muttered to himself whilst shaking his head, before walking away with a stack of papers. Whatever, freedom was right outside that door.

Klaus was giddy with excitement, planning all the corners he could score from. “What should I do first, huh?” He spoke over his shoulder to Ben, who had his hood up and head down.

“I don’t know why you’re so excited, you’re not even sober anyway.” Ben jabbed. Klaus decided to stop talking nicely to him, they never saw eye to eye on... well anything, but specifically not him scoring in rehab, or what that entailed. Klaus would really rather not think about _that_ shit more than he had to. Anyway, he had more choice on the streets, like a kid in a candy store. Klaus threw the doors open and dramatically let out a euphoric sigh as he lit his cigarette. He took his first step to drug filled paradise, and was promptly bustled from the side and placed in a headlock.

“What the fuck, Diego?!” he snapped, trying to wriggle his way to freedom. Diego rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on his idiot brother’s neck, walking them to his car. “You can go shoot up later, we have to go shopping.” Diego uttered with thinly veiled fondness.

“I don’t use needles anymore!” Klaus proudly protested “Harm reduction and everything! Wait-“ he attempted to look up to Diego but was quickly reminded of the whole headlock thing “did you say shopping?!” 

—

“Why wasn’t I invited?!” Klaus whined. Diego rolled his eyes for what must’ve been the 50th time in their 10 minute car journey

“You _were_ invited you idiot, six goddamn months ago. You just weren’t at the address she sent it to.” Diego threw him a pointed glare through the rear view mirror, he knew exactly why Klaus wasn’t at that address. Klaus seemed to, for once, understand the implications of the glare and squirmed in his seat, looking out of the window instead. Diego put his attention back on the road, “I found out you didn’t RSVP, so I said I’d find you; took about five minutes. You know, shelters, prisons, the station, rehabs, hospitals... all the places functional adults spend their time.” Diego intended for his sarcasm to sound stern but it came out more like teasing.

“Why are you being such an asshole? You love all those shitty reality TV shows about weddings.” Ben questioned Klaus from the _“empty”_ seat beside him. Klaus turned to face him “Because I didn’t get to score.” Klaus hissed at him in almost a whisper. Diego’s brow furrowed “What did you say?” He inquired to his brother, making eye contact again through his rear view mirror.

”I said I was hungry.” Klaus abruptly replied, looking shiftily to his side and back to Diego again. Diego shook his head and clenched his jaw. “Fine. But _I_ pick, okay. I’m not driving you around for an hour again only for you to pick the original goddamn place.” He bit back a smirk and hoped Klaus didn’t notice. 

—

“Sit.” Diego bluntly instructed Klaus, pointing down to the booth in front of them. Klaus’ eyes, once more, quickly flitted from Diego to his other side and back again. He stopped biting his nail to mumble “I just need the little boy’s room.” before making to escape. Diego immediately put his arm out and grabbed Klaus’ gangly wrist. “Then I’ll go with you.” Diego said with a passive aggressive smile.

“Oh you’re a strapping young man Di, but you’re not really my type.” Klaus nervously chuckled, eyeing the exit. Diego grimaced and looked like he wanted to vomit. “That’s disgusting, but it’s not going to work.” He looked down to his hand still firmly gripping Klaus’ arm. “Nice try, though.” 

—

“Here you go, sweetheart.” the kind old Griddy’s waitress placed down Diego’s cup of black coffee. “And here you go, kid...” she placed down a plate of eggs and bacon in front of Klaus, and an identical one next to him - pulling a clearly confused expression.

“Thank you, mon chéri.” Klaus winked at her with a manic smile. She smiled at him timidly as she blushed and walked away. Diego was so used to Klaus’ weird shit by now that he wasn’t even gonna ask about the second plate. He was just going to be pissed if he didn’t eat both, it was Diego’s hard earned money being used.

“Hungry?” Diego squinted at Klaus, taking a sip of his black coffee. Klaus was obviously confused for a moment or so before realising he was acting seemingly batshit, and then smiled up at Diego. “Starving!” he exclaimed before shovelling an entire fried egg into his mouth. 

“Who’s she marrying?” Ben nagged. “Christ, will you just let me eat my eggs?!” Klaus murmured, admittedly a little too loud - egg splaying out of his mouth ungraciously. “Just leave me alone, I got you eggs!” he shout-whispered. Ben briefly looked down at his untouched plate, clearly unimpressed. He wasn’t going to engage with Klaus being an idiot, he knew damn well he couldn’t eat.

He frowned back up at his brother. “Don’t you give a shit about Allison?” Ben snipped. Klaus groaned and leaned in closer to Ben, pulling his arm near to his face in an attempt to block his hushed conversation out from Diego’s view. “I will go and find a used, AIDS infected needle if you don’t shut the fuck up.” he hissed. Ben formed his lips into a tight line and crossed his arms. Klaus was so self destructive, and so dedicated to spiting people that Ben couldn’t be certain he was joking. Maybe he was half joking. Ben wouldn’t take his chances. Ah, peace at last, Klaus thought.

—

The stress triggered vein in Diego’s neck was popping up considerably less since Klaus had stopped mumbling nonsense over his shoulder. “No, Klaus. She said you’re all wearing blue.” Klaus scowled and shoved the flamingo pink, fluffy pant suit back on the rack.

“Why am I the only brother who’s a bridesmaid?” he huffed “Isn’t that a bit homophobic?” he muttered under his breath, not wanting to deal with Diego realising Klaus was gay ten years too late. Frankly, Klaus was ecstatic to be her bridesmaid, and feeling very smug to have been the only one picked - he was just antsy and needed to be pissy at someone. He was kind of regretting getting Ben to shut up, now he had to be a bitch to his very much alive brother, who could very much punch him in the face.

Diego groaned and harshly pressed his fingers on his nose bridge. He’d rather babysit Eudora’s five nieces again than babysit this idiot any longer; he’d already tried to escape six more times since they got to the mall. At one point, he was already halfway through the window in a store’s fitting room when Diego twigged and had to wrestle him back in. 

—

“What d’ya think?!” Klaus pulled the fitting room curtain back and showed off his electric blue, bedazzled pant suit. “Mesmerising?!” He waggled his eyebrows. Diego had stopped replying or even pulling facial expressions five outfits ago; his jaw perpetually clenching. He shoved the heel of his palm into his eye and groaned “If I say yes will you get the damn thing so we can get out of here?” Klaus returned a childish grin as an answer. “Yes Klaus, very mesmerising.” Diego spoke apathetically, in a hushed tone.

“Sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you.” Klaus tauntingly put his hand to his ear and leaned in to Diego. “Mesmerising.” he repeated louder, through gritted teeth and a glaringly false smile. 

—

“So, I’m gonna pick you up from here tomorrow?” Diego demanded like he was scolding a child. “Yes, Di.” Klaus tried to open the car door but the child lock was still deployed. He hated this shelter with every fibre of his being, but if he’d agreed to stay at Diego’s he wouldn’t have been able to score. Rather ironically, shelters were goldmines for finding nearby dealers. He’d told Diego he was too scared to stay over again after the scary raccoon last time. Diego looked torn but had ultimately agreed, the raccoon _had_ been scary. Plus, Klaus never shut the fuck up, so he wasn’t exactly an ideal houseguest.

“So when I come back here tomorrow morning to pick you up, you’re still going to be here?” None of these supposed questions were actually questions, since Klaus was only allowed one answer.

“Yes, Diego!” he squeaked, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m going to stay here, and when you come tomorrow morning,” his feet practically jumping up and down with how much he was now fidgeting, “I. Will. Be. Here.” Klaus punctuated every word by slamming his fist into his forehead. “And if you’re not I’m gonna kick your scrawny ass?” Klaus groaned and threw a hand through his hair “You can beat me to death, Diego! Just let me out of the damn car!” he sounded every bit like Eudora’s petulant brat nieces. Diego threw his hands up in surrender, “Okay, okay.” he turned to unlock the doors. Klaus shot out of the car before Diego had a chance to blink.

—

He was not there in the morning to get picked up, and Diego was _definitely_ going to kick his scrawny ass.

**Author's Note:**

> Still making my way through uploading these lol


End file.
